


She-Ra except Kyle is super buff cuz he ate more ration bars than in canon

by Dolchang1



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Kyle got more ration bars than he did in canon, Crack, F/F, Kyle Needs a Ration Bar, M/M, Multi, Repkyle best ship, Shadow Weaver fucking dies, if yall didnt notice it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:15:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29841384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolchang1/pseuds/Dolchang1
Summary: Kyle gets more ration bars, fueling his growth spurt. This is what happens after. Only S1 for now
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra/Grey Ration Bars (She-Ra), Kyle/Lonnie/Rogelio (She-Ra), Kyle/Rogelio (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

Adora and Catra were at the battlefield, starting what would be a bitter rivalry that lasted years. Then Kyle barged in.

"Adora," Kyle commanded in the deep booming voice that could turn straight people gay and gay people straight, the tremors shaking the very earth.

"We need you. Come on, let's go home."

In his statuesque, gargantuan glory, it would have been easy for She-Ra to surrender; even the mythical warrior stood little chance against the killing machine Kyle. Since Kyle was, by definition, invincible; he hadn't fought in 3 years, instead automatically declared winner in every training sim. 

The last person who challenged him met an end so gruesome, Shadow Weaver volunteered to wipe the memory off of everyone who saw it. After realizing she couldn't wipe her own mind, she conjured a small row-boat and map to Beast Island, sailing off into the distance through the hole left by Kyle.

Adora hoped the Razorfins were more merciful to Shadow Weaver than Kyle had been to Doug.

  
  
  


Frosta's castle began to shake from the foundations itself, the quakes devastating the interior of the castle and overwhelming Frosta, who tried to stabilize it. At first Adora thought they were detonating bombs- however, with the lack of explosions and the sustained intensity, Adora realized the cause of the quake was more… manual.

Adora exited the castle, grabbing a Rogelio lookalike. Then she marched up to Kyle, who was on the verge of ripping the entire castle from the bedrock.

"H...hey, Kyle. Yeet!"

Kyle quickly jumped for 'Rogelio', who was pushed off a cliff. Adora would regret it for years afterwards, since the impact would create kinetic energy enough to send a seismic wave that would envelop the opposite half of Etheria.

Many people would not make it, like General Juliet, who gave her life evacuating Bright Moon, Force Captain Octavia who was crushed under debris, and King Micah, who was too occupied dancing on the bones of Shadow Weaver to notice that a fracture was forming around him.

  
  
  
  
  


"Kyle, you're here! Now raise us up!" Catra and Adora yelled in unison, hanging from the cliff.

Kyle just looked at them coldly, however.

"You can do it together. That's all you cared about, right? Each other, and _my_ ration bars. You wanted me to be weak. To be helpless, relying on everyone else."

Kyle chuckled in contrabass, sounding quiet to Adora who did not possess the right ears to pick up Kyle's low frequency laugh. Catra did, though. Catra almost wanted to let go so she could plug her ears, falling to death but at least sparing her sensitive ears.

"You know, I wonder what would have happened if _I_ took _your_ ration bars."

"Kyle, wait! I'll- I'll give you my ration bars from now on! Any ones you want, I'll get you Scorpia's too!" Catra shouted in desperation.

"Even the grey ones?"

Catra's face darkened, and without saying a word, let go.

Adora let go soon after, deciding if she was going to be paste, it was going to be at the hands of Etheria itself.

Bright Moon was safe for now- Kyle decided to raid the Fright Zone's pantry while the Horde forces were busy assaulting the heart of the rebellion, and Catra had to pull her forces back to stall time until his munchies went away. Or there would be a famine like 2 years ago, when Lonnie accidentally taught him about the concept of midnight snacking. 

Adora looked to the Horizon towards the Fright Zone, questions in her mind. Was she going to be able to turn Catra towards good? Was she going to win this war? What would happen once Kyle found out there was actual food in the Rebellion?

She didn't know, but at least she had her friends.


	2. Kyle opens the portal with nothing but two hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sword of Protection finds a happy home before having it ripped away from him.
> 
> Infected She-Ra is not as feral as people might think.
> 
> Madame Razz worries about her cottage in the woods, specifically its real estate value.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly this isnt even funny
> 
> it's funny to be rn cuz im borderline delirious but ik this won't be to normal poeple

Catra visited Hordak to 'touch base', but instead she received bad news: she was being replaced as second-in-command.

"Who could  _ possibly  _ replace me?"

The answer was, of course, Kyle. As it turned out, her strategies to outwit the Rebels were pretty useless when you got someone who could literally crush She-Ra and reduce her to 5 sticks of ration bars. 

Which was a secret she was let on when she became second in command. Apparently Doug was going to live within them all, forever.

**  
  
  
**

“Adora, wait!” Catra shouted in desperation. When Entrapta said it would disable She-Ra, she didn’t think this would happen. Now the only thing standing between her and certain death was… nothing. She was about to get killed by Adora. Then Scorpia tackled her, buying her time. Unfortunately, she didn’t get disarmed, and now Scorpia was going to be disarmed; a clever play of words, which she would have appreciated had she been in a situation that was slightly further than death. 

Then, the ground opened, Kyle with a comically large spoon popping out. “Hey, get off of Catra!”

Infected She-Ra was a simple killing machine; she came, she saw, she conquered. She didn’t back out from any fight, whether it be sparkly teleporting girl or pretty hot catgirl. But the encounter with this blonde abomination?

It wasn’t going to be a fight.

She-Ra, no, the infected Sword of Protection, threw itself away as far away from Kyle as it could; fatally messing up Light Hope’s meticulously crafted plan.

“I have spent most of my energy bringing a First One here, just for this. I will now commit Mara.” Light Hope said, before dividing by zero in its internal circuit.

The Crystal Castle surged in light, the overflowing energy gathering towards the top of the tower. Razz watched in worry- her real estate value was going to tank if the local landmark exploded.

And also a lot of people would die, but Razz only cared about baking pie, and money. And she only baked pie for money.

As Razz frantically searched the phone book for an insurance company, the Crystal Castle’s remaining energy converged and burst-

into an anticlimactic noise that vaguely resembled a hologram farting.

**  
  
  
**

After the events of the Northern Wastes, Adora was in total despair; the cool sword was gone, and with it the hot 8 feet tall sword lady. But at least there was a clue as where to go; the Crimson Waste. Mara’s ship was there, and with it a clue.

Catra was in total despair, too; first Kyle, and now Entrapta was being favored by Hordak. And apparently they(by they, she meant her and Kyle) needed to go to the Crimson Waste to find this weird artifact, but Catra was sure Hordak wanted her dead at this point. 

Hordak did not; in fact, he was very excited to finally see his big brother again. The fond memories popped up; like the time he played catchball with Prime, or Prime intentionally letting him win at a video game, or the time he and Prime blew up a First Ones orphanage, competing with each other on who would reduce the average life expectancy of the planet more. 

And he trusted Catra wouldn’t mess up; especially when Kyle was to follow her. 

**  
  
  
**

“Don’t open the portal!” Adora pleaded. The mission to the Crimson Waste was successful; they’ve captured Adora, found the Sword which had made a new life with a loving husband and three children, each a dagger, a razor, and a butter knife. And better, they found out the Sword was the key to the planet, finally letting them open the Portal.

Kyle took a long look at Adora, and pulled the lever.

Which broke.

Adora smiled in hope, which was promptly cut short. Kyle put his finger in the rift caused by the portal machine, then two, then three- until he could stuff both his hands, ripping it open with brute kinetic energy.

And everything was white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will include:  
> king micah returning from the dead  
> repkyle kiss  
> horde prime gets brutally murdered

**Author's Note:**

> Why yes I am drunk. Hoe could you tell, how?
> 
> Constructive criticism NOT accepted.


End file.
